Post #100 (I think)

I know, I know, I know.  Post no.100 (the title was just a cynical ploy to attract US citizens) should have followed in excited rapid-fire succession to post no.99, but I just couldn’t summon up the motivation.  Once again I apologise.

I no longer have the World Cup as an excuse either.  The laptop is safely tucked up in bed when there’s sport on TV, as you know – but as I don’t have a telly that picks up live cricket, and as I can’t stand golf, I am having to actually do a few things that vaguely resemble work – and this is one of them.

I’ve recently published MY CHRISTIAN FLATMATE on Kindle and sent WHAT I HAD FOR DINNER to CreateSpace – forgive me if I’m repeating myself again – so I can have some booby prizes at the ready for next year’s Food and Drink Festival.  I’m hoping to share a platform for a promo with a microbrewery, so at least I’ll be temporarily happy even if I’m as out of pocket as ever.  Still early days though, and I’m going to have to do some uncharacteristic heavy planning to make it succeed.

It did occur to me that by the time the next Festival transpires, the result of the UK General Election will be known.  Now that I’ve added gambling to my list of interests (Colombia for the World Cup seemed so plausible at the time), I might risk a quid or so on Labour coalescing with UKIP after the latter party have grabbed their three seats in Essex.

I think I can work out the Tory strategy – the party political broadcasts are going to be homages to Robert Palmer’s classic “Addicted to Love” video with Dave – the lights are on, but he’s not home – strutting his stuff surrounded by a bevy of female Cabinet Cuties to show how much he really cares about women.  Whaddya think?


Time Out

I’ve just had a whole weekend without the internet. No surprise to anyone who’s had recent experience of TalkTalk or BT, but this was actually unforced.

My excuse is that I was watching sport on TV. Now I could have been doing this with a laptop to hand, tweeting “Federer’s bound to win it now…oops”, “Will Lewis Hamilton ever win an F1 race again?…oops” and suchlike banalities, but that’s not me – I prefer to concentrate on one thing at a time.

The World Cup’s getting a bit boring now it’s reached the elimination stages, as it always does, and I’m too old now for penalty shootouts that keep you up until midnight, but I fell completely for the TdF in Yorkshire. I was surprised they were only doing 20mph in some stages – I’ve gone faster than that on the Loop Line, with a bit of wind and gradient assistance admittedly – but this is Yorkshire, the county where they get ‘em in singles, so I’m not surprised.

In between, I’ve been getting my fix of excellent 60s and 70s music courtesy of Radio 2, Radio Manchester and not least my man Steve C on – though I did fall asleep before Tony Blackburn announced what was Number One this week in ’76.

This week in ’76 was slap in the middle of that glorious summer, I was on a post-O level family holiday in Abersoch, still firmly in prog mode though I’d read an article in Sounds about the Sex Pistols, and West Indies were bowling us out for 71 and 126 at Old Trafford. Life will never be like that again.

But anyway, it’s now Monday and back to work. Finding Overheard in Waitrose on FB was my job for the day, but it was a job well done.

Pulled Out

Who says men can’t multitask?  Here am I, watching the France-Nigeria game – why do all the good goals by the unfancied nations have to get disallowed? – proofing my CreateSpace version of What I Had for Dinner while struggling with a BT connection that disappears every five minutes.  I thought you’d fixed this problem after you first cocked up on Saturday, lads?

I’m also seeking a ticket for the Soft Machine Legacy/Keith Tippett concert next month, and trying to get a fiver on Colombia to lift the trophy because nobody thinks they’ll beat Brazil do they, but every bloody time I try to, I’m told I’m not connected to a network.

Control Panel says I am connected to a BT network, but these can be two alternate ways of saying the same thing.

I’m hoping BT can keep it going long enough for me to publish this, but I’m certainly not counting on it.

So I’ll sign off, make up a title and tags as quick as I can, and get back to my pulled pork pie.  All pork has to be pulled these days by order of the coalition and Manchester’s increasingly pretentious food outlets.

Toy Footballers

Am I the only person in the  world who’s sick of the sight of footballers folding their arms?

How many times do we need telling – if you try to get a footballer to do anything besides playing football, they’re going to look pretty stupid doing it.  Especially if the task in question involves wearing a business suit or trying to construct a sentence in joined-up English (mind you, Fabio Capello’s got a lot better at that since he got the Russian job – shame his team’s not proving to be any better than his last one!)

For my two cents, yes the Mexican keeper’s display was every bit as impressive as Van Persie’s or Muller’s, I expect England to get a point off a semi-fit Suarez and hobble to the last match with it all depending on that again.  I got Uruguay as my team in the 1970 Subbuteo World Cup and they’ve never done anything since, Diego Forlan in South Africa notwithstanding.

And Fuerza Chile tonight!  I can’t wait to see Spain sent packing.

May It Soon Be Over

Oops – another month has gone by with next to no text or photos.  What am I like?

This is a paltry effort to make up for it – please don’t take me to task for it.  Work has been too time-consuming, and that’s that.

Fortunately June, my birthday month, shall also be a publishing month once I get the editing out of the way. It’s not “all my own work” this time, and it’s pretty controversial even by my own estimation, but i’m proud to be associated with it.  More later.

Am also working on a radio soap opera, and so far so good, it’s looking very promising, more so than I anticipated.  Again, more later as and when things start to develop.

I’m trying to find out about the cat that threw the ball at the baseball match, as we got this in the pub quiz but didn’t know the answer.  I expect it’s on YouTube, so I’m off there when I get the chance (time is so tight, to semi-quote Booker T, and I don’t like it that way)..

Top Contributor?

I must press some words!

In the past, WordPress has been my natural habitat in times of ill health, or when I’m just feeling sick of the government, public services or people in general.  Which is pretty well most of the time.

So why am I now here so infrequently?  Am I starting to believe Cameron’s lies?  Am I now enjoying being in a supermarket queue with people of low IQs?

NO!!!  But I have had a mother of a dose of flu – proper flu, you understand, not man flu: muscle aches, tiredness, no energy – which seems finally to have responded to vitamins, Covonia and not going out in the pissing rain unless I absolutely had to.

So I’m back on familiar ground.  Even FB and Twitter have had to take a bit of a back seat recently – who wants to look at a screen at times like this – but I have just made my second contribution to Grammar Geeks, typos notwithstanding, on Linkedin – and would like if possible to develop this as another string to my bow.

I don’t think I’ll ever make the grade as a Top Contributor though – I have to be honest.  Besides, it would look as if I had nothing better to do! 

Editing (2)

I am now at the editing stage of my long-awaited, egotistical-as-ever new Kindle.

I’m also doing a bit of editing on Twitter.  My previous WordPress post was in fact my new Twitter banner photo, which will give the world unprecedented access to my right hand.  I’ve always been a leftie – in more ways than one – and especially so when it comes to taking photographs, fortunately!

I’d like to thank the people at Twitter for unwittingly making the new page layout so much more suitable for my personal needs – so easy now to get rid of tweeps who won’t follow you back, just scroll down to identify them! – to next door’s cat for being such a co-operative subject, and to the Good Lord for bringing dry weather to our rendezvous.

Cats are of course very good for online business, but I hope the picture demonstrates that my interest in them isn’t purely commercial!

I did try to upload the pic some time ago as “The Nearest I’ll Ever Get to a Selfie”, but was thwarted by the 3 MB rule.  I’m hoping for better results this time.

As for editing the book, was it Raymond Chandler who said you should write drunk and edit sober?  It’s not a bad rule of thumb, and i try to abide by it as much as possible, but I’m always frustrated when the occasional typo slips through the net.  I found an asterisk in one of my published Kindles – I’m not telling you which one – where it should have been open scare quotes.

How the hell do you mistake upper case 8 for upper case 2?  Unless you’re pissed??

Now I know how the people at the BBC charged with airbrushing Sir Jimmy Savile OBE from their entire recorded output must feel. Look, isn’t that his cigar smoke in shot?  Can’t we edit on John Peel doing something responsible?